Thar she blows!, or Sad Day

I lost it Monday night. It was shades of my post-partum madness, and it scared me a little. Sometimes you just know that you don't have any reserves left at that moment to gracefully handle a horrible, trying situation.

I thought I had moved past this -- I really did. Shows how naive I can be. Both kids just screaming and nothing working to calm them down.

I told Will, "Mommy needs a time-out right now," as Ian wimpered in his crib upstairs for a few minutes.
"Why Mom?" said Will.
"Because I need time to cool off, honey. To calm down. That's what a time out is for, right? When we get really upset or frustrated and need to be alone to calm down."

I sat on the big red chair and breathed a little. Got really angry with myself for feeling this way. Will waited patiently for me to be done.

And slowly, I regained a little perspective. I was tired, after all. I was wanting to sit down and eat a normal dinner, dammit. I wanted someone -- anyone! -- to appreciate the meal I'd cooked after a day at work and not much sleep the past week or so. I wanted so many things...

But I realized, once I got Ian out of his crib and we were all playing nicely on the floor of their room, and I'd stopped worrying about how neither child had eaten anything for dinner (again) -- weren't they going to starve?? -- that sometimes you can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need.

And what I needed last night was some perspective. I needed to stop worrying and just enjoy my crazy kids for who they are. I needed to give myself a giant break. I am doing the best I can.

We are all doing the best we can.